When will I reach there?
I still remember my Ice breaker speech around a year back. It took me two months to get the confidence to deliver my first speech successfully in front of 20 plus people in a club meeting. I used to listen to others’ speeches in club meetings and wondered when I will reach there? I was determined and worked very hard on my first speech. After working diligently for 2 months, my dream came true. I felt proud after delivering my first speech. I thought now I can be relaxed and happy as I had achieved my goal. However, my happiness lasted for a couple of days only. Because, I needed to prepare & deliver my next speech, my next milestone. Then again, the same thought came to my mind- when I will reach there? Reaching your goal gives immense happiness, but what about the time until you reach there?
Goals provide you the direction and push you forward in the short term but certainly at the expense of your happiness, your peace of mind. To sustain the momentum in the long run you need a well-designed system, a process that you can enjoy without worrying about When I will reach there?
I was quite fat and chubby during my school days. It didn’t bother me much until I reached adolescent age. Slowly, I started disliking the way I looked. I hated to visit shops to buy myself clothes. The clothes were not displayed as you see in the mall nowadays. It was humiliating to request the bigger size clothes. The shopkeeper and his staff used to stare at me in disbelief. It was a mini-project to find the right size dress for me. Many times, I compromised on designs and patterns as I couldn’t get my size. I was sad and stressed out most of the time.
Finally, it was enough. I decided to get into shape and lose weight. I set a goal to lose 30 pounds in the next 3 months. Not only did I set a goal to achieve, but I also tied my happiness and satisfaction to the outcome of the goal itself. I followed a strict diet and exercised daily. I cut down on sweets, butter, and greasy food completely. I was quite serious about my goal. My hard work paid off and I lost 20 pounds in 2 months. Everybody around me noticed and praised my new looks. I was thrilled to reach this milestone. However, I knew I had a long way to go. My happiness didn’t last long as I wanted to continue and lose a few more pounds. How do I sustain and continue to chart this path? I continued working hard but the weighing scale was stuck and not ready to budge. I was irritated. I began to skip my dinner and breakfast to lose weight drastically. It impacted my health, my studies, and most importantly my happiness. My frustration grew and I always looked discontented. What happened? I wasn’t reaching my goal and I thought I had no reason to be happy. My implicit assumption behind the goal was that I could relax and enjoy only after reaching it. I was constantly putting my happiness aside until the next milestone. I’ve fallen into this trap of restraining my happiness so many times that now I have lost the count. I still remember, I was nearing my thirties and was still not ready to start a family because I had a goal to achieve on the professional front. Furthermore, goals create “either-or” conflict. Either I achieve my goal and am happy or I am disappointed.
Does it make sense to restrict your happiness to one outcome, until you achieve your milestone and next and next? Not at all. There is a much better way to get things done and achieve in the longer run. Without worrying about the result, commit to the process. I realized instead of focusing on how to lose 10 pounds, I should adopt healthy habits and pay attention to the process. That is eat healthy food, count your calories, and adjust the same as per your physical activity in a day, exercise daily, and focus on staying fit. Initially, it was a struggle to change the mindset which was habituated to see declining pounds on a weighing scale. How did I overcome this? I stopped measuring my weight every day and keep feeling low. I started following healthy habits and gradually it became part of my system, my life. I felt free and happy. I knew if I have eaten more calories on any day, how could I cut down the same next day by balancing and exercising. Trust me, all this gave me no pressure. I did at my own pace, and I felt amazing and happy from inside. In a few months, I noticed the difference in me. I became fit, healthy & active. To my utter surprise, I did lose weight and got toned too. I didn’t have to wait to be happy anymore. It didn’t’ happen overnight as it takes time to condition your mind, but I can guarantee you from my personal experience it is very much achievable.
Goals are great motivators, and they get you started but they are not sustainable. When you’re working toward a goal, you are essentially saying, “I’m not good enough yet, but I will be when I reach my goal”. The problem with this mindset is that you’re teaching yourself to always put happiness and success off until the next milestone is achieved. “Once I reach my goal, then I’ll be happy. Once I achieve my goal, then I’ll be successful.” Goals put a huge burden on your shoulders, when you focus on the process instead of milestones, you enjoy every moment and reach there eventually. While chasing after a goal, you are always under the stress. You hardly spent time understanding why are you doing this? If you become process-based instead of objective-based, you will understand the nuts and bolts of what is happening and why you need to do this. You can understand how certain things work better than others. You won’t be restricting your happiness. You will enjoy every phase of this journey and will be more equipped to change the course as it demands. You won’t be focusing on winning always. Remember Winners and losers have the same goals. The purpose of a set goal is to win that is not always practical and possible in real life. While the purpose of the building system is to continue playing the game.
Instead of focusing on a goal, commit to a process so that you don’t have to worry about, “When will I reach there”?
