Expectations are never met..!!!
Expectations are never met……
What is the Expectation? It’s an individual’s anticipation and a strong belief in what will happen in the future. If you think clearly, it’s purely your thinking and desires how someone should react or behave. Nobody has promised you anything or a reaction in return. There’s no formal exchange of agreement between you and the one with whom you maintain the expectation. There is no guarantee, no contract, and sometimes not even verbal exchange. But still, you expect and believe that this is what should happen and that is “right”. Who knows what is right or wrong? There are multiple definitions of what is right depending on the individual’s perspectives. Everyone sees, absorbs, and reacts to a situation differently. Then, how can we match up to someone’s expectations? It always remains unfulfilled, no matter how hard you try. That’s why many of us remain disgruntled and unsatisfied. Sometimes our family doesn’t understand us and failed to fulfill our expectations. Other times the friends around us constantly hurt us due to unfulfilled expectations. Many of us never get job satisfaction because we don’t find a place to work where our expectations are met. Having expectations are imperative as it defines you, and who you are. But are they worth it if it starts bothering you, hurting you? Someone has said if you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed. How practical it is after all, to live without expectations? It’s like living without a heartbeat.
I can tell you with confidence that many relationships failed due to unfulfilled expectations only. We pretend to be oblivion and continue marching ahead in life. But deep in our hearts and minds, we know that “this is not what I expected”. Because we see and understand differently. Some of us know how to get over expectations and live life on our terms. However, this is not very common. Most of us believe in compromise as it is a way of living. This world has taught us to bend a little more than breaking a relationship is always a better option. We keep compromising to avoid altercations, and to maintain peace on the surface. However, expectation never dies. This is the trap of “Expectations”. It constantly tests you and you go through the emotional ride of up and down throughout your life. You may dislike it or hate it but it’s very hard to avoid this thrilling ride. You may accept and learn to live without unmet expectations, but it never goes away completely.
As a child, I knew my parents were always there for me. And I expected them to take care of my needs and fulfill my wishes all the time. For any petty thing, I will run to them. I would make a big deal out of it and expect them to solve my problem or console me. On the other hand, my parents expected me to become independent soon. However, they were always available to hear my melodrama, my tiny worries, and my silly issues. They did their best to provide me with comfort. All continued in a perfect rhythm until I became a teenager. I thought I was big enough to take care of myself. Gradually, I retreated and started sharing only selected matters with my parents. I developed different relationships outside of my family and bonded with my “Friends”. Suddenly, they seemed to understand me better than my parents. Quite easily, I broke my parents’ trust and grew out of expectations initially built by me only. On top of it, I expected my parents that they should understand that I was a grownup and needed space. “I” created the expectations initially and then “I” only built some different expectations. When my expectations didn’t fulfil, I felt sad and disappointed. You all might be knowing the teenage tantrums and fighting with parents. During those fights what is common — all teenager thinks that their parents don’t understand them and are not capable to fulfill their expectations. They forget, parents are the same people who cared for everything before, understood their emotions, and made them happy. In all this, what about their expectations? What do they want to see in their kids? I am sure every parent goes through the emotional ride of unfulfilled expectations too. So, what am I trying to convey here? Certainly not trying to write a blog on Teenagers and parents’ relationships. My point is these expectations are like shadows. No matter what, you can’t escape from it. It co-exists with us. It keeps on changing its shape, and size but never dies. It is our part and can appear suddenly on a bright sunny day or even in dim light. We keep saying, don’t keep expectations as it will lead to resentment. But our hearts will presume the behavior and expect things to happen the way we thought about it. When things don’t happen as wanted or expected, it hurts. It hurts deeply. How silly it is right? Logically it is insane to keep expectations, but we still do. Why do we expect from parents to take care of our desires when we were young? Then as a teenager expect them to understand and leave us alone? What about their expectation? They also develop expectations and when it is unfilled, it leads to stress and discontent in life. This behavior continues to grow as we grow with the age. I am a middle-aged woman, but I still complained to my mom that she doesn’t understand me and is sometimes not able to fulfill my expectations. On the other side, my mom complains the same to me. I fail to understand this ridiculous game played by “Expectations”. Has it ever been fulfilled for anyone?
Recently I did a small experiment, I shut down my Insta and Meta profiles for some days. Initially, it was difficult but, in a day, or two I started feeling better. Before I was quite active and almost every other day I will either post a quote, thought, or some random pics. Then I would expect my close friends to like my pics or share some comments on them. I didn’t expect this from all but from a few. I built this expectation over a period. Especially the common group of friends who are always active like me and do comment on my pics. It’s human nature, we always expect the same reaction to the same behavior. It’s like our shadow, which is constant and will appear at a fixed time of the day and in light. No matter if you like it or not. I always thought sharing posts was fun, but then unsaid expectations started building with social media friends. If my friends post pics or thoughts, they expect me to comment or like their posts too. Similarly, if I am posting something on social media, I would expect them to acknowledge them. No response from a friend or acquaintance could trigger endless thinking. At times it left me feeling bitter and sour. Again, the same trap! False expectations! “You like my pic, and I will like yours”. Some might say they are not bothered by all this and keep no expectations. But I doubt it’s the reality. What do you think? Be honest…. 😊 Our social media world has created another level of expectations by introducing the feature of “Likes”. Thankfully, there is no “Dislike” button else this would have led to open fights and quarrels. No kidding!!
Why do we develop these expectations from each other? Expectations are like unwritten rules, which we want all of us to follow. These unsaid rules could lead to conflicts, disappointment, heartbreak, and sometimes happiness and surprises. I had been the victim of the same and many times I am sure, I would have been labeled as the culprit for not fulfilling someone’s expectations.
Another way to think about expectation is — Expectations are when we give something, we want something in return. Nobody is a saint in this world. It’s human nature to trade. History has proven humankind has grown and expanded tremendously using this skill. However, we know the same had also led to wars, battles, and destruction. Why are Russia and Ukraine still fighting with each other? Why did world war I and World War II happen in the past? The bottom line was unfulfilled expectations. When expectations are not reciprocated well, we demand and when demands are not met, we get into altercations and fights. Isn’t it?
How to overcome this expectation? After you fight with your spouse, friend, lover, or anyone, it’s easy to say and think now you will not keep any expectations going forward. However, as I said before, Expectation is like a shadow, it will continue to persist. It may become small but will never leave you. Love it or hate it! In my next blog. I will share how to minimize your expectations and be healthy and happy. Until then, keep your expectations in control ….
