Essence of Friendship in life…
When I was very young, studying in school, I never realized the importance of friends in life. All my needs were fulfilled by my family as they were my caretaker, sounding board, and everything for me. Most of the time I was occupied with my books, which were my true and only friends. Hanging out with school friends was a rare thing for me and I doubt I cherished friendship with them until I reached high school. It was a gradual transition in my thinking, but I felt as I was missing all the fun in the world and somehow it was needed to get going in stressful times. It helped to recharge your batteries and motivation to do better. I still did not believe that I needed this bond to share my griefs or problems. I could not develop that trust in anyone, and I was mostly aloof but happy weaving my world where I would be accepted the way I was. Friendship meant nothing more than just a party and fun for me at that time. It was like, you throw a party, everyone would be there and when they plan an evening, you would show up to your best. Party friends who usually contact you after dark. They will ask you what you are doing tonight, or what the plan is. They will take no interest in how your day was or anything relevant that is happening in your life. You always have a good time with these people but after the party is over you are on your own. The greatest struggle you will have with your “party friends” is that they will see no faults in their actions, as they only care about themselves. Fairweather friends!!
Time flew by, I was in college, away from my family. That was the time when I suddenly felt very lonely with no one around to be with me. Many acquaintances, but no one close to holding on to. This was the time when we did not have mobile phones, cheap calling rates to call parents anytime. An era of STD and trunk dialing. It was hard on me to hang with my books all time. The university looked bigger, austere, lonely than I ever felt in any building before. My roommate in the hostel was fortunate to possess many friends from her school days and they all were lucky to be in the same college. In a nutshell, my roommate was never there for me to talk or discuss anything. On top of it, I was not emotionally evolved to know how to make or win friends. I used to wait for weekends when I could hop on the train and travel to my parents. It was just 4 hours journey after all. It went on for a couple of months but then I met someone in my college, from my batch. She was short heighted, a little on the heavier side, curly hairs, an oval-shaped face with a wide smile on her face always. She was energetic, fun-loving, an avid fiction reader, and least interested in studies. I could say exactly the opposite of me.
So, this is how we met- Once we both reached to morning class, very early and was waiting for the class to begin. To our excitement, that day our lecture got canceled. She was hungry and dying to have a cup of tea. She asked me to join her in the canteen if I was interested. I agreed and that was the onset of a beautiful relationship called “Friendship”. After that, we were like a duo, together everywhere. We were not roommates, but I was with her the whole time unless I need to study in the evening for my exam the next day, and there, I used to force her to be with me to study. She used to live in a private flat, very clean, independent, and with a group of friends from the same place and the school, she belonged to. It was nice to see them bonded together but I never had a desire to be part of their gang. I was happy and very contented with my best friend only, we were there to cover each other’s back always.
Our relationship lived through thick and thin. Our friendship was known to our batch mates and many others. I was tall and she was short, I was lonely and straight forward, she was all smile and social bird, I was studious, and she was least interested in engineering, I used to run away from the parties and she would drag me to social gatherings. I believe we were perfect for each other in many ways. Our relationship brought balance to each other’s life. She tolerated me and my peculiar behaviors and I welcomed her craziness into my life. We accepted each other the way we were. No preaching however, I helped her during exams and shared my notes with her. At times, I had to force her to attend lectures. But it was fun to be with her. It was my first true friendship with anyone, and I was into this wholeheartedly. We had visited each other’s house multiple times. Her house was quite cozy but modern. She lived with her mother and her super-intelligent elder brother. Her mom was a kind, sweet and hard-working lady. She always welcomed me to her house warmly over the weekends and made delicious food for us. I was very grateful to this beautiful, small family who accepted me and showered me with love and care. I never thought until then that one can be accepted and loved by others, outside of your world.
I was on cloud 9 as I knew I have someone to catch me if I fall. I was changed and my only friend became an important part of my life, something I wanted to hold on to forever. A feeling of possession and I did not want to share my best friend with anyone. I think, the moment you get such feelings, it means you are in trouble. You cannot be possessive about friendship, as it creates unrealistic expectations and conflicts.
Our friendship saga continued till the second year of college. It withstood rough weather and we were inseparable. However, in the third year, our beautiful relationship came to an end. It was tragic but I had to take this step. I always lived with certain values and faiths. I could go to any extent for my friend, but I cannot breach my values. These are the foundation of my system, my existence here in this world. Unfortunately, I had to break this relationship as she broke my trust. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and to my surprise, she never approached me to clarify the misunderstandings. She knew my reasons and why did I withdraw from this relationship but even then, she never tried to reconcile with me. Perhaps, the wall of ego that grew between us, was too big to cross. Finally, this friendship had seen its time and now it was over. Certainly, it did not happen overnight. The more, she waited to discuss and sort out the conflicts, the more this wall grew thicker.
We think time heals everything. It certainly does and you learn to live without it. Yes, time never heals any relationship on its own. Time helps you to come out of your situation but if you want your relationship to work then you must not wait to clarify till eternity. Discuss, talk, sort out the differences and be open and transparent in your relationship. Do not let distance grow and sabotage your beautiful world you created with your friend. We all are human, and mistakes are bound to happen as no one is perfect. When you accept each other, you need to accept each other’s flaws too. However, please remember any mistakes are usually repairable in any relationship but once you break the trust, it is extremely difficult to mend it. Trust is often lost when you are hurt by someone’s actions and believe that it was intentional. It takes years to build trust, but it can be broken in a minute by a sheer mistake. To restore this faith, you need to have open communication with your partner. Be true to your words but do not expect things to turn rosy overnight. It is not easy to rebuild a broken tower, however, with time and commitment, it can be resurrected.
Well, in my case neither we could restore the trust, nor we tried to mend this relationship. However, I cherished the beautiful memories I had of this relationship. This experience taught me many things and most importantly helped me to realize the true essence of friendship.
