5 simple tips to manage “Stress” at work or in personal life.

How heavy is the glass of water when you hold it? From my perspective, the absolute weight of the glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long you hold it. If you hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If you hold it for an hour straight, it might ache your arm a little. If you hold it for a day straight, your arm will cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed. It may force you to drop the glass to the floor as well. In all these cases, the weight of the glass does not change, but the longer you hold it, the heavier it feels.

Well, the stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while, for a brief time, nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer, and you begin to ache a little. You start getting the discomfort feeling, the tension in your mind. Think about them all day long, you will be miserable and start getting helpless. It may lead to other negative emotions, anger, irritation disinterest and you will not feel like doing anything. In extreme cases, it can lead to depression too.

In this blog, I will share two different scenarios and will discuss a few techniques with you all to manage stress better. There are many reasons to be stressed, such as work pressure, parenting, friends, money, health, and many others.

I remember how I wrought under stress for almost two years because of my over-demanding and hypercritic manager. He was never happy or satisfied with my work, no matter what I did. He would always contradict my point of view. I tried to follow his instructions; it was never enough. I was working as a consultant, and I always felt more than my client I needed to manage him. Any small issue with a customer, which was like a mole, he would make it a mountain and use that as an example to criticize me and my team. I was overwhelmed. I was always irritated at home and at work too. I realized I needed to do something about this else this will turn into anxiety and depression. The realization was the first step as you need to identify if you are under stress. Then, I followed these 3 Golden steps to manage the stress due to my manager.

1. I decided not to engage him on every matter. I stopped copying him on every emails. I took more ownership and tried to manage my client and my team on my own. I knew he was not the kind of manager who would be open to my views and would suggest any solution. The matter which required his presence like budget approvals, or leadership meetings, were only those matters I discussed with him. It eventually helped me to become more confident in dealing with my team and my client. At the same time, I could avoid unwarranted discouragement from my manager.
2. Secondly, I kept my communication to the point and with facts. I realize, he was the manager who could not deal with emotions and problems exhibited by me or by other team members. I always straightforwardly presented my issues with facts to him. In brief, cut the craps and try to keep the meetings short.
3. Lastly, I took care of my mental and physical health. I do Yoga once or twice a week. I exercise at least 4–5 times a week. All these helped me to relieve my stress and tension. I knew that I could not satisfy my manager with any result, so it was not worth it to burn myself for this unachievable goal. I know it is more difficult to follow than said. But I tried. I developed other interests such as writing blogs, attending training, etc. which helped me not to overthink and worry too much.

These three rules helped me to keep my stress level low. If you are experiencing this kind of work-related stress, I’m sure these tips can help you too. However, if nothing of this works then I would say, just quit working for him, as I did after 3 years. No pun intended :)

In a second scenario, once I had an altercation with my friend. Unknowingly I said something to her, and she felt bad. She did not tell me directly about it. But I sensed it from her behavior. The moment the realization hit, I started feeling low. I was thinking and overthinking, what happened that day and what she said, and what I said. It was like a loop in my head, and I was stuck there. I did not intend to hurt her, but the way I told her or the way she understood were not aligned. I was ashamed of myself and at the same time, I was stressed thinking about this all the time. I didn’t know how to approach and rectify this. It is not easy to admit your fault especially when you think you haven’t done anything wrong. I always valued her friendship. At times I thought I should let go of such a shallow relationship. But I realized it was not me to break the bond easily. Then to relieve my stress, I used the below techniques

1. Connect with others to solve the problem- I discussed this with one of my other friends and explained the whole situation. Thankfully, she was present when that conversation happened between me and her. I wanted to know her opinion if I did say hurtful words. I listened to her view with an open mind. That helped me to see the problem from a different angle. Then, I tried to put myself in my friend’s shoes to understand her perspective to the best of my ability. It was not easy, but I tried. Finally, I could understand her anger and define the problem. Then it was easy for me to come up with a solution. Connecting with my other friend and taking advice with an open mind did help.
2. Secondly, always keep a cheerful outlook. Don’t blame yourself for getting into this murky situation. This is life and it can happen to anyone. Be mindful of that. Do not get aggressive and defensive rather be assertive. If you have done a mistake, then do not wait to apologize immediately. If you value the relationship, no matter what, do try to clear the air of confusion. Please do give chance to another person to absorb your thinking as well.

Lastly, this is not the end of the world. Sometimes, you must let go of things and relations for your good. As I said before, take care of yourself. Mediate, exercise, and develop some hobbies. All these would help you to come out of your stress. Despite, the two different situations I discussed in this article, you can apply the same tips in other situations as well to manage stress better.